Sunday, October 28, 2012

Figuring it out

I had a quarter life crisis a few weeks ago.

I thought I'd lost my passion for some of the things that had been so sacred to me. So I started asking myself some deep questions: Why doesn't art move me the way it used to? Why can't I write the way I used to? Do I even want to be an art history professor anymore?

I used to be consumed by art. It used to be all I could think about. These thoughts would move me to action; to write.

These musings on self-doubt were creeping up and invading every thought. Like squatters moving in during the night, leeching on, and consuming every thought of confidence about the person I thought I wanted to be.

During that crisis, I thought for a few days that I wanted more than anything to be a seminary teacher. That seemed like the best way to preserve the person I had become on my mission. The best part of me always loved teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. How much better would it be if that were my life every day?

And then I taught the worst lesson of Sunday School that I've ever taught before. That question of "Why did I ever think I could be a seminary teacher?" drilled itself into my head.

Suddenly, this path that I thought I wanted didn't seem right either. More than not seeming right, it didn't seem to be what I really wanted. 

But I figured out that desire to teach seminary was just a means to an end. That desire led me to look into adding a Women's Studies Minor, so that I could stay on to try the seminary teaching program. The longer I thought about it, and the more I discussed it with my professors, the better Women's Studies felt.

And then I read my patriarchal blessing; where it mentioned I should study the lives of noble women to prepare for my own role as a wife and mother. That sealed the deal (in case you're wondering).

As of Friday morning, I am officially a Women's Studies minor. Looks like I'll be sticking around Provo for at least one semester longer.

In conclusion, I still love art. And I still want to be an art history professor. Turns out I just needed to add a little something to be complete. 

1 comment:

Lindsey and Jared said...

I am so happy for you! Good luck, I think it'll be perfect for you :)