I made this ridiculous promise to myself when I was younger about how I would never let a friendship die because of a lack of effort on my part. Maybe it was because I didn't have very many friends in high school, and I just wanted to hold on to each dear friendship as tightly as I could.
But friendships can be so transitory in college. I was thinking earlier about some of the friends that I used to have that have grown up and moved away.
The old room mates that I used to laugh for hours with, that knew all my deepest secrets and accepted every weird habit.
The older brother types that would let me cry on their shoulders after break ups, bring house warming presents when I moved apartments, and let me borrow their cars.
And then there's just the people who's friendships were so fleeting and yet so intense. Times together would include communication of the deepest kind; ideas and theories and laughter all floating in the air over our heads.
But a lot of those people have moved on. They're married. They're having children. They're in grad school. They're just gone. Out there. Somewhere.
For some of those people, I know I can just pick up a phone, make a call, and everything will be like it was. Even if only for a few minutes.
But with the other people it's different. I see them on campus. We wave hi. And that's it. As we walk in opposite directions I think about how strange it is that this person who knows the deepest part of my character no longer knows what my favorite type of music is anymore. It makes me sad because I used to know them too. And if we ever got together, I'm worried the air would just fill up with awkward words and phrases, spoken only to fill awkward spaces.
In the end I've realized it's ok though. So much has happened in the past year and half. I've changed so much from the person I used to be. Sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways. But in these changes I've realized that friendships are not one size fits all. People change. And it's ok for me that we didn't change together. Just as long as we both can still respect and love the memory of ourselves from the past.
And thank goodness for friends who grow with you. For friends that no matter what they stick by you. Thank goodness for the friends you can tease, the friends you can beg honest opinions from, the friends that hold your hand when your heart is sad. You know the ones I mean? The ones that make you want to be better while at the same time making you infinitely worthy.
I'm having a get together with some friends like that tonight. Aren't I a lucky girl?